mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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