she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
