you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
