Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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