I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it because I queefed?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
