I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
