you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
