The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
