Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
