dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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