In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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