im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
