Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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