got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
