why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
