dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
