Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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