We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
