Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
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Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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