I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
