If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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