i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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