there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
