You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So. Much. Porn.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
