i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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