Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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