READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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