all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
