dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
