I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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