You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
