after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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