Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
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I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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