I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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