i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
