we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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