Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
