4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
