there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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