My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
