I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
