omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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