Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
