i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
