he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
