So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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