If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
