the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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