I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
