I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
