I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
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He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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