And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
