If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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