so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(