watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
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