so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am