Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
