he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Every concussion has its silver lining
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?