P.S. I can't hear my feet
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic