So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
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I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal