I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
