i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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