im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm at about main and main street
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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