I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can I color on your dick again?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
