This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
