he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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