I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
