Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
