i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
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I need you to use more vowels.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
