I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
