i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
