Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
