I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
