Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
