the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
