Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Randomize
