it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
