I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
