I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
