She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
3pm strippers are depressing
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
