Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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