maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize