she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
